So its a new year, 2014. Generally for many people that means resolutions. I have a few, though Im not going to get in to them all, they include write more, exercise more, be plugged in to technology less.
What I want to talk about here is health, particularly my health. I was an averagely healthy child and person up until I was about 20. My childhood was not much different from your average American girl. Once I hit puberty at 11, I began to really worry about my looks, particularly my weight. I started getting teased in 4th grade and it lasted for a few years. By the time I was in 8th grade I was 5'6", 130lbs, and wearing a C-cup bra. I was bigger than nearly all my female peers, and several of my male peers. At home and at school attention was called to my weight, nearly daily. So I did the only thing I thought I could do, I dieted. But my dieting was a bit extreme, I ate on average about 800 calories a day, for around 2 years. I also did push ups and situps alone in my room, as well as the Phys Ed classes I had to take in school. But to my dismay, I didnt lose weight, in fact I gained weight. By the time I got to high school, my breasts had grown to a D-cup, my weight went up to about 155lbs, and I was now wearing a size 12 in juniors pants. I felt huge. I had already begun wearing long sleeves or a jacket to school everyday starting in 7th grade, but now I was wearing a huge jacket that was probably 2 sizes too large, everyday, even during the Texas summer. I thought I was disgusting and I didnt want anyone to see me or touch me.
This issue with eating and size continued through high school, where I continued to eat far less than I should, but maintained a healthy amount of physical activity. I reached 175lbs my senior year of high school, but managed to lose about 35 of those pounds for a few months. I then began college, where I was going to school full time and working full-sometimes over-time. I was still taking Phys Ed classes, including Yoga, Jazz Dance, and Cycling, but my weight just continued to climb. When I started dating my, now husband, I weighed just around 200lbs at 5'6.5". That was obviously far too heavy. My friends and boyfriends had always told me I was pretty and attractive and that I wasnt fat, but I was beginning to feel desperate. On the day of my wedding I weighed roughly 210lbs. I became a vegetarian at the age of 21, for health and moral issues, but was bummed to see that also did not help me lose any weight.
It would take a few more years, until I was 23 to decide to get blood work done by a Dr. to see if there was any illness or disease I needed to worry about. They tested me for things like diabetes and hypothyroidism (slow working thyroid). All the tests came back negative, I had great blood pressure, great cholesterol, no illness, obviously, according to the Drs., I just needed to stop eating shitty food all the time. The thing I tried to make medical workers understand, was that I didnt eat too much, and I didnt eat poorly. Yes Id eat junk food sometimes, but I didnt drink alcohol or soda, I was a vegetarian, I rarely ate fast food.
Fast forward a few more years and I was 25 and tipping the scale at around 270lbs, about 100lbs more than my healthy max. I was exhausted, depressed, my hair was incredibly thin, my nails were like paper, I was always cold, I was having anxiety attacks. I knew something was wrong, so again I decided it was time to see a Dr. She did the same tests on my blood and I came back in a few days later. She looked at me and said well the good news is youre pretty healthy, but I can tell you starve yourself dont you sweetheart? I burst into tears. How did she know that? Well I guess my blood results showed that I was incredibly deficient in Vitamin D as well as she could see that my blood sugar levels would be very low throughout the day and evening and then Id eat at night. I explained to her my eating history and she told me, "I understand I too used to do that, but youre making yourself sick". She then told me, that I had hypothyroidism, meaning my thyroid, which regulates your metabolism and other hormones, was barely working. So every little amount of food I did eat, was put straight in to fat reserves. In essence I was starving myself fat. I was prescribed the medication Synthroid, and told to eat 5 times a day, making sure to get lots of fruit, veg, and protein.
Its now been almost 1.5yrs since I was originally diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and Im still not better. Lots of people were telling me oh once you get on that medication youre going to feel so much better, the weight is just going to fall off of you. I started exercising a little more (not much, because at this point I was obese and exhausted), and started juicing and eating healthier. I went back a few months later to the Dr to find that I had gained 15lbs. I.. was... devastated. How could that be? I was trying to eat better, I was on medication, wtf? The blood results showed that my thyroid levels were normal, but I wasnt seeing any positive effects. My dose got upped to 50MG, with me promising to eat often, get enough sleep etc.. (sleeping btw was not an issue, the mixture of low Vitamin D and low thyroid made me sleep around 13-15hrs a day). Only in the last 6 or so months have I begun to feel better. Not totally better, but there is a small improvement. Im not constantly exhausted, which I attribute to taking my Nordic Naturals Vegan Vitamin D3, my medication, and going to the gym more frequently. I also have noticed my skin cleared up (did I mention that I was taking birth control pills from 18-23 and it made my skin break out way more often than it used to), my hair was thicker, and I was sleeping better.
I know I have a long way to go to feeling 100%, and that I have a lot of work ahead of me. The two things I am most looking forward to are for my menstrual cycles to become more regular (once I stopped taking bc pills, my periods were BAD, like one time I bled for 62 days straight, sometimes Id skip a month, sometimes Id have 2 periods on a month etc) and I cannot wait! to be back to a healthy weight. The pant size isnt what concerns me. What I most worry about is this weight affecting my health in a permanent fashion (heart attack, diabetes etc), and also that it does hinder me from things I love such as clothes shopping, hiking (I mean I do that, but Im much slower and I cant go as far as Id like), fitting comfortably in airline seats, etc.
This isnt a poor me look at my hardships post. This is just a little background info on where Im coming from and the things Im struggling with. I really want this year to be the year that I get a handle on my health. With all the other stresses in life, being obese is not one thing I wish to keep. So my intentions are: to workout at home or the gym for 30min-1hr 5 or 6 days a week. I was going to the gym about 5 days a week for an hr, for about 3 months, but the holidays totally threw me off that. I think it is important for both men and women to do cardio as well as strength training, so I do a mixture of both each workout. I also intend to eat more fresh foods, I eat a lot of "healthy junk food" and convenience foods because I am often cooking for 1. I also intend to start juicing and blending regularly again. I have a goal, that by June of this year I will have lost 30lbs and I will have a fairly regular eating and work out schedule.
I think the hardest part for me will be remaining consistent. I get discouraged easily and fall back in to bad habits. Ill spend a few months eating often, eating healthily, working out often, and if I dont think Ive progressed quick enough or a life thing happens, I let it throw me off my path, and often times takes away any progression I did have. I cannot let that happen anymore. My entire 20s cannot be spent over weight and feeling sick. I NEED to take my life back.
Thanks for reading
<3
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